Wednesday, 29 May 2013

Jo Swinson visits the Home for Well-Behaved Orphans

I am delighted when Jo Swinson arrives at the Hall this morning, passing through Rutland on ministerial business. After insisting that she join me for a second breakfast, I take her to visit my own Home for Well-Behaved Orphans.

The boys are full of the vaulting horse they have just made and will brook no delay in trying it out, so Jo talks to the girls. This, I reason, is no bad thing: we Liberal Democrats do not have half enough women MPs and I hope that some of her audience will find that they have a vocation as a result of her address.

I have to report that I am somewhat surprised by Jo’s approach. “Blimey,” she says to one girl, “you’ve been stirred in the ugly wok, haven’t you?” before describing another as “a bit of a munter”. Others are dismissed as “mingers”, “butters” and “complete double-baggers”.

One wonders whether this is quite the way to attract the fairer sex into politics. I suspect the first Lady Bonkers would have clocked Jo one if she had addressed her like that.

It is lucky that I have a bag of jujubes in my pocket to smooth things over.

Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South-West and Jonathan Calder is his literary secretary.

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